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guy gets girl

Did Mom and Dad ever tell you to knock before entering a room? Did they ever tell you to take off your shoes, especially muddy ones, before entering the house? Did they tell you not to eat with your mouth open? Yes, to all three? It sounds like you had a normal upbringing. Okay, did they ever tell you to "poot when you doot"? Well, maybe they should have, but if they didn't, you can pass on this advice to someone you love.

So what does "poot when you doot" mean? Well, let's examine the words (If you don't know the meaning of "when" or "you", please look elsewhere.) "Poot", as defined in leading bathroom primers including Jim Dawson's excellent, Who Cut The Cheese (Ten Speed Press) is another term for cutting the cheese, or farting if you prefer (we prefer you don't just yet). And "doot" means to, um, defecate, or dump. This is a term that was popularized on the Howard Stern show by Wood-yi (a parody of Woody Allen), who would walk around saying, "I gotta doot, I gotta doot". Subsequent to Wood-yi, we've heard the expression used by speakers from all backgrounds and walks of life. So to us, the two expressions belonged together to mean something like, "If you're going to dump, give us some warning and make some noise!" Or, by the same token, don't poot unless you're going to doot. No needless pooting! In fact, the poot and the doot go together like, well, cheese and crackers!

© 2000 by Larry Glanz. All rights reserved.

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